Dear Maggie & Thomas,
Sadly it surprises me that I need to write this at all, but this week, a rumour I’d heard was circulating was voiced to me, and it needs to be addressed. People have created a lie that I stole from Papa. They believe it to be true. At one point someone came up to me in a store asking if it was true
that I had kicked Dad out of his own house!
When I betrayed your Mom, I let a lot of people down. People who had been in my corner, felt betrayed and lied to (whether they had been or not). One pastor, in particular, seemed to take it hard and started lashing back with a vengeance. At one point he even organized an exorcism for my
brother’s house after I had stayed there.
Do you remember when we completely remodeled the 69th street house? At the same time that happened the market fell apart, our contractor didn’t watch things carefully and we didn’t watch him carefully enough either. That house which in 2008 would have been valued at 1.2 million
dollars was worth less than it would have been worth pre-remodel (about $525,000).
The plan had been for Michelle and I to pay the loan off, buy out Uncle Timothy and live in the equity. In essence, the loan to remodel the house was going to be ours, and we’d end up with a great house to raise our family. It didn’t happen, with the cost overruns, etc… things fell apart.
Obviously, it was still worth it. Papa got to die in his house as he wanted. The estate that was supposed to be passed on though was gone tied up because of the market crash and the construction over runs.
I tell you this because people decided that Michelle and I were to blame for it all. They began to say crazy things like we forced Dad to move out, and that we had stolen from him. All of this was done under the watchful eye of this vengeful pastor. All of this was done without ever talking to me. At one point, Uncle Timothy called the agency that investigates elder abuse. They interviewed both Papa and me, and of course there was no crime.
I learned a lot from my experiences. I need to write things down as they happen as a record of what is happening. If you can do it, keep a journal of your business dealings, and conversations. The habit, if learned will save you a lot of grief. Secondly, I sadly realized that people, particularly people in the church are much better at talking about me than to me. (Many others would say the same thing.) If you suspect something is amiss, talk to the person rather than talking about the person, ok? Please don’t perpetuate the problem. Thirdly, I trust people too much. I want to believe they are good. Many are. And even the good ones make mistakes. When it comes to finances we need to watch carefully.
If I could go back and do it all again, there are many things I’d do differently, trying to care for Dad at the end of his life. I made mistakes along the way, but to say I stole from him, that is quite simply a bald-faced lie.
You guys know that I’ve done a lot wrong in my life. This isn’t one of them. When Jesus was accused before the Pharisees and Pilot he simply remained silent. Maybe I should do the same. Jesus didn’t have kids, and his earthly ministry was drawing to a close. This lie needs to be called into question.
The pastor that created and cultivated the garden in which the lie grew will answer for his role in the story. It is not my place to want or seek revenge against him. I won’t name him here. He answers to God, not me. I am working on the forgiveness piece with him and it is tough.
At some point I am going to have to make amends to him for my etrayal of him after he backed me for all those years. The very thought of ffering him and amends sounds like it is going to suck. But I know if I want o be free, I need to make amends for my wrongs, and not worry about what the erson I have wronged does with their sins.
When my life ends, I get to be remembered as a betrayer, of your mother, the church, my supporters, my students and my congregants. I also get to be remembered as one who was betrayed by my second wife, my brother, my pastor, many in the church, and some of my friends. When those things are uxtaposed they mean that I get to be remembered for being human. I am glad that I learned before you were each old enough to remember, how to be an honest human, a grateful human, a Spirit-helped human, and a loved human. That is what makes it all worth it.
Since you have failed to answer, let me provide some answers to your readers:
* If you believe I have betrayed you by standing firm in the belief that you should take financial responsibility for your children, then yes I have betrayed you.
* If you believe I have betrayed you by believing that your children should not be pawns in your relationships with your first ex-wife, then yes I have betrayed you.
* If you believe I have betrayed you by insisting that behaviour and actions that turn your children against their mother are wrong, then yes, I have betrayed you.
* If you believe I have betrayed you by standing firm in my belief that having our father pay what piddling amounts of child support you actually did pay is wrong on many many levels, then yes, I have betrayed you.
* If you believe I have betrayed you by believing that bleeding our parents dry by having them fund things like motorcycles and electronics for you, then yes, I have have betrayed you.
* If you believe I have betrayed you by claiming that using our parents money to do a completely unnecessary remodel of our parent's home so you could live in palatial luxury (and yes I walked through the house and have copies of the contractor's bills), then yes, I have betrayed you.
* If I have betrayed you by rolling my eyes at your attempts to grab more of our father's estate than you were entitled to, due to your "care and feeding" of him (when our father's friends have personally told me about the many times they had to take him to and appointment, or bring him food, or cook him meals), then yes, I have betrayed you.
* If you believe that I have betrayed you by letting you know that apologizing for an event that happened over thirty years ago and had long been forgotten, is not an appropriate usage of the ninth step, then yes, I have betrayed you.
Posted by: Timothy | 18 August 2013 at 09:49 AM
Please share the details of just how I betrayed you, I would never claim that you betrayed me. However you have betrayed your children.
The sad thing is that I have facts on my side, you have nothing but paranoia.
Posted by: Timothy | 15 August 2013 at 06:17 PM