As I climbed, backpack carefully packed on my back I spotted a rock on the ground that was shiny held promise in the shimmering sun and so I picked it up and placed it in my pack. It wasn’t very big, the weight wouldn’t bother me, but as I climbed higher into the mountain pass there were other rocks that held equal promise. Each I would pick up and examine before placing them in my pack.
As I travelled those miles through beautiful mountain meadows and craggy mountain passes the weight of my pack grew heavier and heavier upon me, and still I found more rocks to pick up because I couldn’t live without them.
Finally, jumping off a small ridge on the trail the combined weight of the rocks became too much for me and I fell and found I couldn’t get up. I’d picked up more than I could realistically carry. I was done. I couldn’t go on.
Emotionally and spiritually the picture above is how I too often live my life. It is certainly how the alcoholic / addict lives theirs. My assumption is that these tendencies are part of what it means to be human; a result of choices made in the Garden of Eden many generations ago. If step four is our first surrender and housecleaning, step ten is merely our daily surrender and house cleaning.
There are so many things I pick up during the day: resentments against my boss, my wife or my kids; a shot of pride – taking credit for an accomplishment that was really a gift from God; and a long list of expectations of how I am supposed to be treated and catered to. I need to lay these things down promptly if I am to enjoy the journey. Bill Wilson, founder of AA writes:
We can’t stand it if we hate deeply. The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody, has to be abandoned, if only a little at a time.
We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown none. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going our way to understand and help them.
Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptly admit it – to ourselves always, and to them also when the admission can be helpful. Courtesy, kindness, justice and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody. When in doubt we can always pause saying, ‘Not my will, but Thine, be done.’” …. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous: Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, 1953: NY, NY. Pg 92-93)
Jesus said something similar in the lingo of his own day:
If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 35 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. 36 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?* 37 Is anything worth more than your soul? Mark 8:34-38 (Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved
Peter said it this way: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 (Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)
All of these encouragements are toward the same end: letting go of things we don’t need to carry. The message of the Bible is incredibly humbling and freeing at the same time: “You are not God. Quit trying to be God. Simply be who I made you to be, and in so being, be free.”
A story is told of a gold fish that used to look at the humans outside of his fish bowl with such envy. “I want to be like them. I want to be free. I don’t want to be confined to this bowl. I want to see the world and take my place in it.” So one day he started swimming around the bowl with all his might. He swam faster and faster until he finally jumped out of the bowl. He landed on the table, out of the water, flopped around and then died.
Sometimes freedom isn’t what we want it to be. The 10th step is all about learning to be free in completely counter-intuitive ways – by “taking up our cross and following Jesus” in the way of the cross; finding resurrection that always follows such a death.
The trouble with us as humans, at least with me is that I have a very short memory, about 24 hours long. That is why Jesus urged me to repeat this process daily, and why Bill Wilson called it a daily inventory. Following Jesus is not a one time event. Giving up my own life to follow Him is not a one time event. It is a daily, sometimes hourly event precisely because I forget.
For me it takes the form of gratitude. The Biblical writer addresses this as well. Paul states: “Always be joyful. 17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thess 5:16-18 -- Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)
Gratitude is a sign of my surrender to God’s rule over and design for my life. It says, “Let me be thankful for all you give to me; whether I like it or not. Help me find you in the details and be grateful for all that you offer me.
Step ten is really about a daily walk with God. It is part of God’s process of sanctification, and His purifying process in my life.
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