“Holy
Father, guard them as they pursue this life that you conferred as a gift
through me, so they can be one heart and mind as we are one heart and mind.” Jesus
prayed for us recorded in John 17:11-12 (from THE MESSAGE: The Bible in Contemporary Language © 2002 by
Eugene H. Peterson. All rights reserved.)
For you are
all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. And all who have been
united with Christ in baptism have put on the character of Christ, like putting
on new clothes. There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ
Jesus. And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God's promise to Abraham
belongs to you. Gal 3:26-29 (Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®,
copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of
Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)
Tradition 12 (short Form): “Anonymity
is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place
principles above personalities.”
Tradition 12 (long
form): "And finally, we of Alcoholics Anonymous believe that the principle
of anonymity has an immense spiritual significance. It reminds us that we are
to place principles before personalities; that we are actually to practice a
genuine humility. This to the end that our great blessings may never spoil us;
that we shall forever live in thankful contemplation of Him who presides over
us all."
“The most anyone can ever have is 24 hours
sober…the most sober person in the room is the person that got up earliest.”—
12 step belief
When you walk into a 12 step meeting a good looking guy in a suit
doesn’t introduce himself to you and make small talk, asking you what you do
and telling you what he does.
He won’t even initially ask what brought you to the meeting – at least
initially.
One
person wrote about their experience in a 12 step room:
I sat in a small upstairs classroom in an
unfamiliar church, thinking, “I am all that I feared I really was…”
I was attending my first twelve-step meeting
for sexaholics. It was remarkably surreal -- everything from the opening
prayer, “God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference” to
the introductions. “Hi, my name is _________ and I am a sexaholic”…
”Hi _________,” the group answered…
Was I dreaming or was this nightmare my new
reality? It seemed too unreal to be real. But it was very real…
The focus in the rooms is the message of hope that is found in
recovery. Personalities, personas, and ego all take a back seat.
His struggles with alcohol abuse have been well publicized. If he
went to an AA meeting, Mel Gibson would not be Mel Gibson, movie star and
multi-millionaire; he would simply be, “Mel, a recovering alcoholic”.
Likewise, Lindsey Lohan’s drug abuse has also been tabloid fodder.
If she went to a 12 step meeting to address this issue she would not be Lindsay Lohan, actress and
pin up, but rather simply, “Lindsay, a grateful recovering drug addict”.
Recently, Tiger Wood’s multiple and concurrent affairs destroyed
his gold career at least in the short run. If he went to a 12 step meeting
Tiger Woods would not be: Tiger Woods, the greatest golfer to ever live, but
rather simply, “Tiger, a recovering sex addict”.
In the same way, Charles Barkley is infamous for gambling away
hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars. If he went to a 12 step
meeting he would not be Charles Barkley, basketball star, TV personality and
cultural icon, but simply, “Charles, a recovering gambling addict”.
And it is hard to pick up a tabloid without reading about Oprah’s
ongoing struggle with her weight and body image. If she went to a 12 step group
she would not be Oprah Winfrey, billionairess, TV talk show host, producer,
cultural icon; but rather simply, “Oprah, recovering food addict.”
In the same way Mel Smith would not be, Mel Smith, societal
dropout, bum and beggar, but simply, “Mel, a grateful recovering alcoholic”;
Lindsay May would not be Lindsay May, prostitute and drug addict, but simply, “Lindsay
a recovering drug addict”; Eldrict Taylor would not be parolee and sex offender
but simply, “Dric, a recovering sex addict”; Charlie Luce would not be,
Charlie, carpet cleaner, but simply, “Charlie, recovering gambling addict”; and
Opie Frank would not be Opie Frank, disabled and unable to work, but rather, “Opie,
a recovering food addict.”
In a 12 step meeting the playing field is even. No one is better
than anyone else. Everyone in the room has been brought to their knees by the
disease of addiction. Everyone’s story sees the light and in the telling
touches others whose stories echo back the pain and the secrets they never
thought would see the light of day. Who someone is “out there” doesn’t matter.
It can only get in the way of who they need to become. What matters is who they
are “in here”. Addicts insides never match what they see on the outsides of
others and so they create false selves to hide the real. Those false selves
only drive them deeper into their addiction by strengthening their belief that
their real self is completely unloveable.
Some people think that the anonymous part of a twelve step meeting
is to protect the individual. Indeed, one addict reported that when he first started
going to meetings he’d park down the street, pull his hat really low to go in
and gave a false name when introducing himself. There is certainly a point to
this. Addicts don’t want to be “outed” by a gregarious friend in recovery that
doesn’t have enough sense to keep his voice down at the after meeting
fellowship. He may well be reminded, “Paul, remember, inside voice.”
Addicts know all too well that “normies” don’t get their disease;
that they are probably incapable of understanding their predicament, so most
keep their anonymity; those who don’t often pay a heavy price. Many have lost
jobs, marriages, friendships and familial relationships because they thought
they were “Big enough” to out themselves to the world violating this tradition
and betraying themselves without even knowing it; just like they did in their
addiction.
Anonymity is really about classlessness and unity. It is about
humility and realizing that it is God who keeps people sober.
It strikes me as incredibly ironic that 12 step fellowships
figured out how to live out the prayer of Jesus to be “one”, even as the Father
and he are “one” better than the institution that was commanded to be one and
which couldn’t be more fragmented if God had asked it to be.
Class distinction and gender distinction are marks of the church
not just historically since, Constantine but also in practice today. Church
growth specialists encourage church planters to target a specific demographic
and focus on it to maximize growth.
It is not uncommon to have someone come up and introduce
themselves to you when you first walk into a church, “Hi, I am Bob, I am one of
the pastors here...” Or, “I am Susie, one of the elders here…” Some pastors
even have their name put on a sign outside, and some boards put their pastor’s
name on a sign for their pastor even over their pastor’s objections.
If you listen carefully to the “small talk” in the foyer after the
service people will introduce themselves and ask what you do and tell you what
they do. Their identity is important.
Wouldn’t it be cool if instead of the above Bob said, “Hey, you
look like you haven’t been here before. My name’s Bob. Can I get you a cup of
coffee or help you find a place to sit? Maybe I could sit with you for a spell.”
Or, “Hi, I’m Susie, it looks like you have your hands full with
that little one, can I help you with your coat? I’m going to hang it up right
here. If you want we have a great nursery downstairs. Can I show you the way
and answer any questions you might have?”
Or, “Hey, you know I am glad you came today. I know the first time
I came here I was a little overwhelmed. I tend not to be very religious and the
idea of coming into a church was a little stretching. Can I answer any
questions you have about why we do things the way we do or anything that was
said? If you want I’d love to introduce you to a couple of my friends.”
Our worldly identities and our “churchly identities” too often
identify us in the church. This has to stop if we truly desire to conform our
will to the will of our Heavenly Father wills that we be one as He and Jesus are one.
In the church this tradition isn’t so much about anonymity, “For I
am not ashamed of the gospel of Christ…” but rather, about class, sex, and
race. It is about getting rid of the divisions which divide us and render us
impotent and weak.
You are right...
Posted by: Stephen Grant | 20 January 2010 at 07:47 AM
Hi! My name is Phil and I'm a recovering sinner.
End of discussion about anonymity. All of us are equals by that standard. Some of us know it and some of us are "in denial".
Posted by: Phil | 19 January 2010 at 10:49 PM