I have spent some time talking about and looking at the issue of divorce and re-marriage... I talked to Bob & David, my pastors. I've talked to Michelle. I've talked to Starla & Brian, and spent some time in the Scriptures. So this is where I'm at right now...
There are three texts that address the issues in the gospels: Matthew 19, Mark 10, & Luke 16. Here they are:
Matt 19:1-12
Then Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went down to the region of Judea east of the Jordan River. 2 Large crowds followed him there, and he healed their sick.
3 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: "Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife for just any reason?"
4 "Haven't you read the Scriptures?" Jesus replied. "They record that from the beginning 'God made them male and female.' 5 And he said, 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' 6 Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together."
7 "Then why did Moses say in the law that a man could give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away?" they asked.
8 Jesus replied, "Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. 9 And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery—unless his wife has been unfaithful.
10 Jesus' disciples then said to him, "If this is the case, it is better not to marry!"
11 "Not everyone can accept this statement," Jesus said. "Only those whom God helps. 12 Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can."
Mark 10:1-12
Then Jesus left Capernaum and went down to the region of Judea and into the area east of the Jordan River. Once again crowds gathered around him, and as usual he was teaching them.
2 Some Pharisees came and tried to trap him with this question: "Should a man be allowed to divorce his wife?"
3 Jesus answered them with a question: "What did Moses say in the law about divorce?"
4 "Well, he permitted it," they replied. "He said a man can give his wife a written notice of divorce and send her away."
5 But Jesus responded, "He wrote this commandment only as a concession to your hard hearts. 6 But 'God made them male and female' from the beginning of creation. 7 'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, 8 and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart what God has joined together."
10 Later, when he was alone with his disciples in the house, they brought up the subject again. 11 He told them, "Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery."
Luke 16:14-18
The Pharisees, who dearly loved their money, heard all this and scoffed at him. 15 Then he said to them, "You like to appear righteous in public, but God knows your hearts. What this world honors is detestable in the sight of God.
16 "Until John the Baptist, the law of Moses and the messages of the prophets were your guides. But now the Good News of the Kingdom of God is preached, and everyone is eager to get in. 17 But that doesn't mean that the law has lost its force. It is easier for heaven and earth to disappear than for the smallest point of God's law to be overturned.
18 "For example, a man who divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery. And anyone who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery."
Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.
These are tough passages. When I met with David, my Episcopalian Rector, he was clear. "The Scriptures and particularly Jesus does not allow for remarriage. However, pastorly, nearly everyone would say that it is far better to marry than to burn."
I asked him how anyone could argue for something pastorly that flew in the face of the Scriptures. I pointed out that at that point we might as well ordain homosexuals to the priesthood, and that if Jesus really means that I would be committing adultery by remarrying I shouldn't do it.
Brian and Starla approached the issue of remarriage from the perspective of redemption and restoration. The God of the Bible couldn't be a God that would condemn divorced people to life-long singleness... It is a good argument, one that the homosexual community uses to give a stamp of approval to their life choices of same-sex partnerships and in rare forms, same-sex promiscuity. God doesn't always do things the way I expect him to.
There is a hard issue here for us Trinitarians. Marriage is a picture -- no even a mirror back to God of who He is. It is about covenant faithfulness. It is about what the Princess Bride calls, "True Love". Int he Old Testament the word is Hessed. It is love that sticks it out no matter what.
I screwed that up a long time ago. I am an adulterer. So the question is am I supposed to wear a scarlet letter for the rest of my life. Undoubtedly there are some who say "Yes, and you should too!" Unforgiveness and resentment are ugly things. If I re-marry do I become an adulterer all over again?
Bob was really helpful to me at this point. He pointed out that Jesus was talking to Pharisees that were trying to entrap him. They were people that were always looking for the loophole. They also liked to practice serial monogamy. "I'll only have sex inside marriage, but as soon as I find her to be not exactly what I want, I'll trade her in for a newer-younger model." The ESV and the NASV's language make this more evident than the NLT that I quoted above.
Michelle and I are both divorced. Michelle didn't get right with God until long after her divorce. I probably didn't either. God hates divorce. It is an affront to who he is. By divorcing we both screwed up big time... So are we condemned to loneliness the rest of our life...
I have two or maybe three thoughts:
- When we read Scripture we have to be careful that we understand that it was primarily spoken or written for someone else. When Jesus spoke to the Pharisees he wasn't speaking to me. Now I have a responsibility to listen to what he has to say to me in the words he spoke to the Pharisees, but the words were spoken to them, not me. I'm grateful that I get to listen in, and then I have to do the work to see how they fit in my life.
- I did not divorce Tracy -- I was the adulterer she divorced. Do I commit further sin by marrying again? Jesus words are more spoken into her life than mine. My intention was not to divorce her so I could marry someone else.
- When Jesus spoke, he spoke on the other side of the cross. I want to be really careful here. We cannot throw out Jesus' teaching because it was "pre-cross". And, I am grateful that my adultery was bought and paid for by his act of love on my behalf. According to Peter, not only did he forgive my sin, God sees me as he saw his only Son. I have Jesus' righteousness. What does it mean for me to have that kind of new start; to be seen that way by my heavenly Father?
I don't have all the answers. I do know that these passages speak to people who seek annulments instead of divorces. They speak to those that divorce in order to remarry someone else. I do not believe that they speak to those trying to rebuild their life in light of gracious renewal and restoration. I will rest on the truth that the Holy Spirit still speaks through his Spirit's leading as I read His Words. And I am grateful for the freedom He is giving me cause I met this absolutely fantastic woman named Michelle.
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