Promises

Working the 11th Step

The 11^th Step – “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with God, praying only for the knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry it out.”

“God is love, and he who loves is born of God. He who does not love, does not know God.” St John

The short form of my world view is as follows:

In the beginning all that existed was Perfect Love. That Perfect Love expanded, created and invited creation to partake in its loving party. Selfishness entered and said, “You can’t be happy that way, you have to look after yourself.” For a time Love seemed to have lost and selfishness ruled supreme. And then Love came again, this time more tangibly and demonstrated what Perfect Love really is, by giving up everything for something other than itself – indeed, something at war with itself -- Perfect Love sacrificed itself to selfishness and died. In so doing, Perfect Love conquered selfishness creating new life and invited us to share with Him in it.

The catch is that to know this Perfect Love, we have to follow it into death – death of self and demandingness.

A major stuggle in my life is that it feels as if nearly every message I receive from the world runs counter to my world view. I live in the instant age of immediate gratification where the internet makes answers to questions nearly instantaneous; where drugs and alcohol kill pain soon after they are taken; where I can view porn or find a “date” with a few clicks of a button, where marketing companies come up with new ways to manipulate my senses to cause me to want so unnecesarily…

The sensory bombardment of the post-modern Western world screams at me to demand more – more comfort, more quickly, more cheaply. And like every addiction (and as a society we are addicted to this) what we have is never enough. We search for new ways to accomplish what used to be accomplished easily. We need more, more, more… We die a slow death of consumeristic selfishness. And all through this marketplace of selfish demands, Perfect Love still walks and still speaks sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly, beckoning me to turn from death and discover what I was made for – love.

This is why meditation becomes so necessary. Without it I miss Love. I move too quickly too often. I rush through and miss the voice asking me to get out of the middle so that He can give me what I really want. I need to tune out the noise and listen to the whisper. I need God moments, that increase in length until I find them taking the majority of my time. In so doing I will discover what Perfect Love calls Eternal Life. The great news is that I am able to live it now. I don’t have to wait for the afterlife to live eternal life now. (Thank you Jon Foreman)

Daydreaming is one of the ways that I try to create my own “eternal life”. I try to live either in the wreckage of the future or the glories of the past. My mind wants to inhabit a place other than my present reality. I try to re-live life or live in the future in order to believe I have control. When I buy into this lie I exclude any chance for eternal life. Eternal life is really found in accepting the present reality and allowing Perfect Love to rule everything in it.

I need help to do that. Meditation is a central help to me do that. I focus on every breath. As I breath in I consciously think, “God in,” and when exhale, I consciously think, “Me out.” I focus on feeling my body: my heel resting against the chair leg, the ball of my foot on the warming hardwood floor, my elbow resting on the dining room table, my fingers as they hit the keyboard, my bracelet as it digs into my wrist…the coffee taste still resting in my mouth. The presence of Love all around me as the early morning darkness knows it has to give way to the breaking day. And as the day breaks I continually ask…

Lord make me a channel of thy peace -- that where there is hatred, I may bring love -- that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness -- that where there is discord, I may bring harmony -- that where there is error, I may bring truth -- that where there is doubt, I may bring faith -- that where there is despair, I may bring hope -- that where there are shadows, I may bring light -- that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted -- to understand, than to be understood -- to love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds. It is by forgiving that one is forgiven. It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life...

As I climbed, backpack carefully packed on my back I spotted a rock on the ground that was shiny held promise in the shimmering sun and so I picked it up and placed it in my pack. It wasn’t very big, the weight wouldn’t bother me, but as I climbed higher into the mountain pass there were other rocks that held equal promise. Each I would pick up and examine before placing them in my pack.

As I travelled those miles through beautiful mountain meadows and craggy mountain passes the weight of my pack grew heavier and heavier upon me, and still I found more rocks to pick up because I couldn’t live without them.

Finally, jumping off a small ridge on the trail the combined weight of the rocks became too much for me and I fell and found I couldn’t get up. I’d picked up more than I could realistically carry. I was done. I couldn’t go on.

Emotionally and spiritually the picture above is how I too often live my life. It is certainly how the alcoholic / addict lives theirs. My assumption is that these tendencies are part of what it means to be human; a result of choices made in the Garden of Eden many generations ago. If step four is our first surrender and housecleaning, step ten is merely our daily surrender and house cleaning.

There are so many things I pick up during the day: resentments against my boss, my wife or my kids; a shot of pride – taking credit for an accomplishment that was really a gift from God; and a long list of expectations of how I am supposed to be treated and catered to. I need to lay these things down promptly if I am to enjoy the journey. Bill Wilson, founder of AA writes:

We can’t stand it if we hate deeply. The idea that we can be possessively loving of a few, can ignore the many, and can continue to fear or hate anybody, has to be abandoned, if only a little at a time.

We can try to stop making unreasonable demands upon those we love. We can show kindness where we had shown none. With those we dislike we can begin to practice justice and courtesy, perhaps going our way to understand and help them.

Whenever we fail any of these people, we can promptly admit it – to ourselves always, and to them also when the admission can be helpful. Courtesy, kindness, justice and love are the keynotes by which we may come into harmony with practically anybody. When in doubt we can always pause saying, ‘Not my will, but Thine, be done.’” …. (Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous: Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, 1953: NY, NY. Pg 92-93)

 Jesus said something similar in the lingo of his own day:

If any of you wants to be my follower, you must turn from your selfish ways, take up your cross, and follow me. 35 If you try to hang on to your life, you will lose it. But if you give up your life for my sake and for the sake of the Good News, you will save it. 36 And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?* 37 Is anything worth more than your soul? Mark 8:34-38 (Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved

Peter said it this way: “Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you. 1 Peter 5:7 (Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

 All of these encouragements are toward the same end: letting go of things we don’t need to carry. The message of the Bible is incredibly humbling and freeing at the same time: “You are not God. Quit trying to be God. Simply be who I made you to be, and in so being, be free.”

 A story is told of a gold fish that used to look at the humans outside of his fish bowl with such envy. “I want to be like them. I want to be free. I don’t want to be confined to this bowl. I want to see the world and take my place in it.” So one day he started swimming around the bowl with all his might. He swam faster and faster until he finally jumped out of the bowl. He landed on the table, out of the water, flopped around and then died.

 Sometimes freedom isn’t what we want it to be. The 10^th step is all about learning to be free in completely counter-intuitive ways – by “taking up our cross and following Jesus” in the way of the cross; finding resurrection that always follows such a death.

 The trouble with us as humans, at least with me is that I have a very short memory, about 24 hours long. That is why Jesus urged me to repeat this process daily, and why Bill Wilson called it a daily inventory. Following Jesus is not a one time event. Giving up my own life to follow Him is not a one time event. It is a daily, sometimes hourly event precisely because I forget.

 For me it takes the form of gratitude. The Biblical writer addresses this as well. Paul states: “Always be joyful. 17 Never stop praying. 18 Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.” (1 Thess 5:16-18 -- Holy Bible, New Living Translation ®, copyright © 1996, 2004 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.)

 Gratitude is a sign of my surrender to God’s rule over and design for my life. It says, “Let me be thankful for all you give to me; whether I like it or not. Help me find you in the details and be grateful for all that you offer me.

 Step ten is really about a daily walk with God. It is part of God’s process of sanctification, and His purifying process in my life.

 

An Open letter to Maggie, Thomas, Sam and Alex

My Children,

The trip to Florida to get Sam triggered all sorts of emotions and thoughts in me. I’m not going to write anything here that you haven’t heard me articulate to you face to face. I really pray that these things will become a part of you though because they will help you so much as you travel your own life roads.

After the divorce in 2002 you know that I made some new friends that were willing to walk with me when all my old friends decided they didn’t want to (or couldn’t) walk with me anymore because of the bad choices I made which triggered the divorce in the first place. My new friends and I began to walk through life together, sharing each others’ burdens, loving one another unconditionally, the way people in the church are supposed to love each other but oftentimes don’t or can’t.

All of us in this circle of friends knew we were completely broken humans. We knew we needed God in our lives if we were going to have any hope; and we knew that He (God) most often revealed Himself in and through relationships to others. We also knew that we needed to give up being selfish, arrogant, ego-centric and childish if we were going to have any hope of obtaining the lives we wanted; and that our best efforts to do so always failed. God was going to have to take all these bad things in our lives away. The only way He’d do so was if we were entirely ready to let Him.

Guys, I believe with all my heart that we can’t fix what is wrong with us without help: help from God and from our fellows ( I know I can't). My best efforts to do so led me into a lonely and isolated life that ended in divorce and brokenness, hurting you.

Among my friends, I found a couple of guys (Dog Mike, and David – you know them) that had a bunch of stuff in their lives that I wanted in mine and who had been walking the path longer than me. I asked them to mentor me, passing on the stuff that they had picked up along the way . THey said they would and so now I get to tag along with them.

Dog Mike passed on three things that have become foundational to how I live. They are the three legs to the stool I sit on. You’ve heard them all and I list them in no particular order:

1. If I am disturbed the problem is in me.
2. What other people think of me is none of my damn business. And the corollary: what I think of myself is none of my own damn business either.
3. If I spot it I got it.

When I can remember these things, keep God in the center and lean on He and my friends (Including Michelle) I am OK. Nothing can touch me. Throw me your worst and it won’t really matter. I can deal with any amount of pain. I can make it. I can do what's asked of me: love God (by expressing gratitude to Him for all that is coming my way) and love those along my path that day. Let me go through each of them again for you, because I really, really want you to get a hold of these things, long before I did. You will live life so much more fully when you get hold of these truths. The grass will e greener. The sky will be bluer. The joy will be deeper, the pain more intense, the laughter more frquent, and the peace beyond aything you have ever known.

“If I am disturbed the problem is in me.”  

If this isn’t true we get tossed around on a stormy emotional sea because other people in our life have too much power. They can make us feel stuff. They have power in our life that no one but God should have.

This means that even when there are disturbing events around me: a fight with Michelle, or my boss doesn’t like the way I am doing my job, or money isn’t there for basic things that we need or want, or anything else you can think of – the part of the equation I can address is inside of me. Is God still in control? Does He still love me? Can I still trust Him? Am I doing my best? Doing the next right thing?

If the answer to those questions is, "yes," then I can rest because I can let go of what is going on; giving it up to the care of God. I can cease fighting to get the outcome I want and simply rest. If the answer to any of these is no, the solution is to change things so that the answers can all be “yes.” And since God doesn’t change, the problem lies in me and needs to be addressed.

I no longer can say, “If only that were different…; if only I had that…; if only they would… then I would be OK.” No, now I have to say, “God, what has to change in me so that I can be OK in spite of the way the world is coming at me? Help me to find gratitude for all this shit!” (Go ahead, say, "shit" when you pray. If you can't say it to Him then probably you shouldn't say it at all.)

“What other people think of me is none of my damn business… and the corollary: what I think of me is none of my damn business either.”

Since other people other than you guys are reading this, some of them might be offended y the word, “Damn”. I’d apologize but in this instance the word is used correctly. When I make what other peoples’ opinion of me my business I damn myself. As  a pastor it is what I did for thirteen years. I pastored as much out of fear of peoples opinions of me – of my positional sense – that I lost sight of caring what God thought of them or me.

By default, if I am caring about what people think about me, I am not caring about them. How can I love well when I merely want to make them happy? I can’t. How do I discipline you guys when I know it is going to make you angry with me? How do I say “no” to things you want to do when I know it will only serve to upset you and make you angry with me? I do it because I love you and want what is best for you. What you think about me is of little consequence. Love is all that matters. I have to do the next righ thing.

This makes sense if we really believe that “If I am disturbed the problem is in me. Too often I live for others approval. I’m a good Dad the moment I stop trying to look like a good Dad and start loving. When I try to look like a good Dad, I become a fraud. Every day I have to surrender my right to care what other people (including you) think of me. I surrender my right to look good. I surrender my right to not look bad. I surrender my right to succeed. I surrender my right to not fail.

For too much of my life – all of my first marriage – I put most of my energy into “being somebody”. This meant that energy that belonged to love was absorbed by self. While it appeared to others that I was loving (because I figured out very early that “looking selfless” made me look good) I was really doing good things and saying loving things out of selfish motives. Love wasn’t the motive. Self was the motive. Because of this I ended up broken and alone. I don’t want this for you. Fortunately for me, my God is a God of resurrection. Death always precedes real life. I needed all of the pain, and all of the brokenness to be someone that has any love to offer.

Did you see that I said, “Everyday I surrender my right…” it is because I am human and I forget. Jesus said, “Take up your cross, daily…” It is not a one time event. For me it is much more frequent event. That is why you often see the bumper sticker, “One day at a time”. It is the only way that many of us have found to live, “Surrendering, one day at a time…” I am not capable of much more than that.

If I spot it I got it…

People hate this one. Do you know though that when you spot something in someone else it is because of some shadow memory in you that causes you to see a similar shadow in someone else? Typically, we see something in someone else that bothers us. The reason this is true is because we are seeing our own shadows cast across the other person. The truth of this statement doesn’t take away from what may be true about the other person, but really what I need to worry about is where it is true in me, because “If I am disturbed the problem is in me.” (not them)

Let me point out that sometimes we see good things in others that need to remind of us of the good in us. If we see someone else growing we can rejoice because we are growing enough to recognize growth in the other. If we see kindness in another, it is because there is a measure of kindness in us. If we see giftedness in another it is because there is giftedness in us that recongnizes it.

This comes in handy when others say hateful things about us. If we are really connected (and this is extremely hard to do) we end up praying for the other because they are really telling us something of themselves. Once again, it doesn’t mean that we don’t need to pay attention. We may need to pay attention to the deficits they are pointing us to without being overcome by the accusation. It is not in our best interest to care what they think about us. But it may be in our best interest to look at ourselves and our deficiencies so we can give them to God and not stress them. This is different from caring what the person thinks about us. It is being willing to be honest with ourselves and listen to what God may be saying to us about how we need to change.

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So there you have the three legs of my resting stool. I forget them all the time. I have to be reminded of them all the time. It is why I hang with the friends I do, because they remind me of what I need to do to live moving toward God and love rather than away from him toward loneliness, isolation, and outer darkness. I moved that direction for a lot of years and so I have a long road ahead of me (the rest of my life actually) to move back to the center; back to God; back to love.

I don’t want you to have to walk as far into the darkness as I did. You deserve better than that. And so I write, loving you with all my heart; you being the reason I breathe; reminding myself as I type of the truths I need to remember to love you well.

Live and love well, guys. Love as I’ve loved you. Love as God loves you. Offer grace where you want to hate. Offer forgiveness instead of justice. Give up your need to be right. Cease fighting anyone and anything. Take up your own crosses daily. Physically get on your knees

as you get out of bed every morning and pray something like, “God, I give myself to you today so that you can do whatever you want with me; growing me however you want to (even if I don’t like it, help me trust you.) Please help me get over myself and my own selfishness today so I can love the way you want me to. Today will you deal with all my problems so that other people will see your power and your love, trust, and follow you too. I want to be absorbed in love today.”

 

2nd Step: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves cold restore us to sanity

One old timer states that, “the 12 steps are steps along the way to realizing that there is a God and I’m not him.” The 1^st step is about recognizing that I can’t be God. The second step is about recognizing that there is a God out there who I can trust.

It follows that part of the 2^nd step for many in recovery is getting over misconceived beliefs about God. One doesn’t have to spend much time in recovery rooms to discover that the God that people learned about in the halls of churches attending evangelical Sunday Schools or Catholic parochial schools; in Morman stakehouses, or Kingdom Halls; in Jewish temples, or Muslim Centers is a big hindrance to peoples’ ability to trust in any higher power.

Though not explicitly stated, the 2^nd step is as much about smashing idols as it is about recognizing something bigger than yourself that can save you. In the first step the addict acknowledges that there is nothing he/she can do to make it better. In the second step, one also acknowledges that there is something that can make it better.

If I make this about my story, perhaps it will make more sense. I grew up in Sunday school. I went to church all my life. I got a bachelor’s degree in Christian Studies and have countless hours toward an MA in theology. I taught many people what to believe about the Christian God.  Theoretically, I had God figured out. I believed in the theological construct I was given, taught, and created through a kind of ongoing dialectic. I didn’t have to lie to say that I had a relationship with that God. I had a real one. And so long as he stayed in the realm of the theoretical, I believed in him. There was nothing in the Creeds that I didn’t believe in my head… I believed it so much I was willing to die for it.

I couldn’t trust my God with my life though. That became evident after a lot of years of a double life and a lot of years of helping and hurting a lot of people. It is easy to trust God in the abstract. It is much harder when He asks you to be honest; or when he asks you to turn the other cheek and love your enemy.

Somewhere along the way, I hooked up with an Unitarian/Universalist mentor. Early on I labeled him, “a non-practicing atheist,” and he accepted that, so long as I accepted that I was “a non-practicing theist.” Essentially he was correct.

A year later I wondered with him at God’s sense of humor, using him to teach me more about Jesus than I ever learned in Sunday school or seminary. But then again, if God could use an ass to speak to the Israelites he could sure as hell use my mentor to speak to me, and I told him as much.

Don’t get me wrong. I am still a Trinitarian. But that isn’t what I’m talking about. You see, my mentor taught me how to believe in the Trinity as a personal reality. He taught me how to relate to Him.

He told me to throw my keys under my bed so that I would get on my knees in the morning. While I was on my knees, he encouraged me to pray and surrender my life to God for the rest of the day. He taught me that before I went into make a presentation God nearly always placed a stall big enough for me to kneel in nearby so I could surrender my words and my ears to him and ask his help. He taught me liturgical prayers to use that help me surrender my life to the care of God. He taught me to turn over my hand and let my fist release as I did so, surrendering whatever I was afraid to let go of. He taught me how to pray for my enemies and how to accept the life God gives me minute by minute, as a gift. He taught me how to cease fighting God and begin to submit my will to his and use it for him rather than myself. He taught me that the doorway to relationship with God was always unlocked but the handle was always on my side of the door and that I had to open it for the relationship to exist

There is so much more; too much to write. My experience mirrors what recovery folk talk about when they talk about people “coming…coming to… and coming to believe.” It is always a journey taken one step at a time.

We admitted we were powerless and that our lives had become unmanageable -- step 1

Note: This is the first installment on the steps. I found that I could not complete one step in one post and so we will see how it unfolds as I write...

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“We” – it is a fearfully wonderful word. It is the first word of the first step; often the first word an addict/alcoholic walking into their first meeting might hear from the old timer who greets them: “We’ve all been there… we’ve found… etc…”

“We” is a fearful word for the addict/alcoholic. There is no “we” in the practicing alcoholic/addict’s life. There is only “I.” Indeed, there can’t be a “we” for the addict lives much to most of his life in a world of his own construction that only exists between his own ears. The unreal world that the addiction grants him is preferable to him than the real world he inhabits physically. When one never allows anyone to know them, they cannot be loved; there cannot be “we.” Recovery starts with the promise that our only hope starts with “We.” One of the first things anyone hears is that they never have to do anything alone again.

“We” is a wonderful word to the addict / alcoholic. Everyone who has ever lived needs real connection with another. Often it is the absence of real connection that leads to the addiction in the first place. The addiction gives the illusion of being a real connection; or at least a passable substitute. “We” is what everyone wants, but not at the cost it extracts. “We” takes a lot of work. “We” starts here with this first faltering step toward God and his creation.  

By taking the first step the recovering addict begins to discover the truth and power of the statement that “We never have to do anything alone ever again.” In the fellowship he discovers that he is loved in spite of himself. In fact, he discovers that acknowledgment of his shortcomings only seems to provide him more love from others that recognize their own story in the story he is telling. “We” mysteriously and powerfully comes into view. And with “we” comes hope.

“We admitted…”is something no one seems to do well naturally. An ancient Hebrew story is told that speaks to this whole topic.

A young man has a promise of God’s blessing. Yet his whole life he tried to achieve the promise in his own power. He does well but alienates nearly everyone in the process to the point that his own brother wants him dead.  He was known as “ the manipulator.”

As with all things, he ran out of space to maneuver. He hid his family away to protect them and was left alone where G-d came and wrestled with him. But G-d couldn’t beat him and so G-d, being G-d, injured his hip so he couldn’t wrestle anymore. But still His stubborn creation wouldn’t let go.

“Let go of me!” God commanded.

“I won’t let go until you bless me!” the man contended.

“Who are you?” God asked.

“I am the manipulator!” the man exclaimed.

“You are no longer the manipulator but the one who has wrestled with God and overcome,” God proclaimed.

Until he acknowledged, admitted, confessed, came clean, and owned up to who he was he couldn’t become anyone else.  That is the reality of our world. Addict/alcoholics spend much of their lives running from who they are scared that they are. Until they can admit who they are God can’t change them.

In this instance, what is true for the addict is also true for all mankind. The person that thinks they are “pretty good” with only minor faults, may feel the need for a therapist but certainly not a Great Physician. The humanist is convinced that they can heal themselves. They can’t admit the depths of their own imperfection and their powerlessness to deal with it themselves.

Imagine two glasses. One is filled with the purest water and the other with two-day old urine.  If I pour a little of the pure water into the glass with urine it doesn’t purify the urine, even if I stir it in really well. In the same way, if I pour a little of the urine into the pure water and stir it in really well, no thinking person would want to drink it either. It is not that it is mostly bad. It is not. It is simply that the impurities have defiled all the good. It is not safe to drink.

Until we can admit that we aren’t God and we aren’t as strong as we think we are; that we can’t make it work on our own. We have not taken the first step back toward God.

The end of step 1 is soon to be published. Please pardon the delays. For some reason, these are harder for me to write.

Who will be saved?

The young man walked into the church. He was tall had sandy blonde hair and an easy gait. He was the kind of guy that exuded confidence – that you wanted to be around. He’d driven up in his Acura TL. It wasn’t too gaudy, but simply not cheap either. He had a wedding ring on, and if you were able to see into his wallet you’d see pictures of two great looking kids ages four and nearly seven – a boy and a girl. He’d married his college sweetheart; met her in English 307, his junior year. Currently he worked as an engineer specializing in environmental mining. Unlike many of his friends, his job was in high demand, and he was able to set boundaries that allow him to work no more than fifty hours a week and help coach his son’s soccer team. He wouldn’t dream of missing one of his daughter’s dance recitals and generally his marriage was happy and healthy.

On this particular day he’d set an appointment to visit with the pastor of the church he and his family had been visiting. The pastor was eager to spend some time with him. He walked in and after some small talk suddenly asked, “I’ve pretty much got everything in life I want. What I’m not sure about is what comes next. If this is all there is than, I can probably come to terms with that but I have this nagging feeling that there is something more and I want to know what it is.”

The church the man had walked into was called “The Clearing.” It’s fairly new campus hardly resembled a traditional church. It was a big campus with three buildings, on a site purchased just outside the urban growth boundary 15 years ago but well inside today. It had a glass front and a high ceiling in the entry way, and evergreen trees grew out of pots spaced around the narthex area. The office complex that the man had entered was two stories and he was greeted by a nice looking receptionist who clearly had been on the look out for him. She offered to get him a beverage while he waited for the pastor who would be out momentarily. The third building was the multiplex. It housed a gymnasium and could be used as an overflow video venue if the main sanctuary was too full. The church also rented that space out to concert promoters who were all too happy to use the acoustically friendly space for the latest Christian band. The church was perfectly designed to be attractive for the affluent eco-friendly up and comer – one such as the man who had walked through the door.

The pastor got his start with Campus Crusade right after college and then attended Western Seminary in Portland Oregon before starting this church 19 years ago. He had a passion for seeing young families like this man find healing and a spiritual home. “You know that is a really worthwhile question. Can I show you this little booklet I use when I get asked that?” He then proceeded to walk the man through the 4 Spiritual Laws, prayed the sinners prayer, and asked the man to begin praying that his wife might make a similar decision.

After a little more talk and a brief prayer they hugged, and the man left and the pastor rejoiced, for the Kingdom of God had another soul. Then he went to his computer and entered the data so he could share the story later on when the time was right.

At the same time, an NA meeting had just concluded and about eight recovering addicts huddled against the cold outside the door lighting up their cigarettes, cupping them against the force of the wind. One of them was clearly angry: “I don’t get it! I can’t seem to get clean! I’ve tried everything1 I’ve done everything you’ve asked! I’ve been coming to a meeting every day for the last 23 days! And still I can’t figure it out!”

“It sounds like you just did,” one of the others said.

“What do you mean?” the angry, unshaven man asked.

“You can’t… God can. Maybe now you’re ready to give up and let him. Why don’t you put out your cigarette, go into the bathroom, get on your knees and complain to him like you were just complaining to us, and then ask him to help?”

Broken, the young man, hung his head, threw down his cig, walked inside as he’d been asked to do, got on his knees and prayed. This is what he prayed.

“God, I need help. This shit has beaten me and there is nothing I can do about it. I’m a fuck up and I know it. You have no reason to, but I’m asking now, will you please help. I’ve got no where else to go. That old neighbor lady told me a long time ago by, that I could always pray and simply say, ‘In Jesus’ name,’ and you’d hear me, so that’s what I’m doing. ‘In Jesus’ name please help! You can have all my life. I’ll do whatever it takes. Just fucking save me from this shit! Please! I need help. I can’t do this!”

And so I ask which one of these is more likely to enter the Kingdom of Heaven?

Prayers I pray throughout the day

There are several prayers I pray throughout the day to stay connected to God and help myself line up with what He is doing. I’ve learned that there is a connection between my physical posture and my spiritual posture, and that sometimes it is worth it to pull off the road go into a coffee shop’s bathroom so that I can get on my knees to talk to God. I wasn’t willing to get on my knees at first. I was told to start throwing my keys under the bed at night so I would get on my knees in the morning. After a bit, I found that there is a marked difference for me. Now I get on my knees to pray. The following are some prayers I pray every day to stay connected throughout the day:

God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and to do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self that I may better do thy will. Take away my difficulties that victory over them may bare witness to Thy power, Thy love, and Thy way of life.  – Bill Wilson

 

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Lord, make me an instrument of your peace, 
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy;

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console; 
to be understood as to understand; 
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive; 
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned; 
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.  – St.  Francis of Assisi

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My Creator, I am now willing that you should have all of me – good and bad. I pray that you now remove from me every single defect of character that stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Grant me the strength as I go out from here, the power to do Thy bidding. Thy will not mine be done. Amen. – Bill Wilson

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God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.  – Nieburh

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God, this is a sick man (woman). How can I be of help to them? Save me from being angry with him (her).  Thy will be done. – Bill Wilson

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Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come; thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our sins the same way we forgive those who sin against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever, amen. – Jesus

 

Lon Allison and the two minute prayer retreat

Lon was a mentor of mine when I was part of the Arrow Leadership Program. He has written extensively on incorporating drama into the sermon and heads the Billy Graham Center in Wheaton, Illinois.

His thoughts here are worth the read for those that struggle with ongoing contact with the Creator of all things as they go through out the day.

Take Two Minutes, and Call Me in the Morning-

I am seeking to erase the division between the sacred and the secular in my life.

 By that I mean the daily danger of spending a bit of time with God in the morning, and then working the remainder of the day without him. The real kicker is that while working without him, I claim to be working for him!  (I know that was a run-on sentence, but it corresponds to my run-on life!)

So, I’m taking two minutes more often to shut down the engines of incessant busyness. I’ve read that St. Benedict had his monks stop what they were doing 8 times a day to enter into brief prayer.  I’m starting with maybe two times a day for two minutes.  It’s almost a habit now, since I’ve done it for 3 days!!!!!

To be honest, it seems to help. I just finished a two-minute prayer retreat.  At 6pm on Friday night, I had 3 projects yet to finish. My back was aching, my pulse racing. I was pushing through to try and finish. You know the feeling. So, I stopped. I shut off the fluorescent lights and turned on my softer lit lamps. I plugged in a little serenity fountain to pretend I was near a brook.  Then I just sat back with God, released some cares and just sitting there. Oh my, it was nice. 

I’d like you all to hold me to this practice. Who knows- maybe two by two will become three by three, and I can claim another life accomplishment. “Oh help him Lord”. 

Lon Allison