Promises: Film

Whole bunch of random thoughts acting like spastic electrons in my cranial cavity. That's why I take drugs (meds)... slow down their little active selves. That is also part of the reason I write -- to get it out of me...

I'm finishing a book by Luci Shaw entitled, God in the Dark: Through Grief and Beyond. When I Googled it to add the link I discovered that it is published online. I was going to buy it for a friend and send it to her. Shaw is one of those writers whose words magically form in my imagination. Her world becomes my world and I see with new eyes and hear with mystical hearing. I found the book in our attic while showing the house to friends. I picked it up to help me cope with my Mum's own death. It caught a hold of my imagination and shook me. The grief the book uncovered is over not the loss of my mother or even the loss of my marriage, but that fact that Tracy and I never built a marriage worth grieving.
Yesterday was Valentine's day. I spent the morning with my Maggie and Thomas at school. My first stop was Maggie's class. She got a short stemmed rose from me. Her teacher's valentine to the kids was a coupon good for one night off of homework. How cool is that? I still stand in awe of that woman. Her class has grown through the course of the year. She now has 30 4th graders. Many of them are so full of energy that is hard not to view them as the Tazmanian Devil. A parent brought in Krispy Cremes and we gave each of the kids hot chocolate. (I managed to avoid the temptation to partake -- as did Maggie.) Thomas' class was next and his teacher, who is equally as amazing as Maggie's, had a wonderful party planned out. We took all of the kid's valentines and arranged them collage style on contact paper so when they were through they had a place mat. I gave Thomas a stuffed dog and a balloon, pulling him aside to help him tie his tie. I informed him that I gave him two gifts so that if he so chose he could give one of them to a little girl he likes when they went to daycare. He didn't get a chance to do so. I had a wonderful time yesterday morning. I am so grateful that Tracy had the foresight to get the kids into the school she did.
The afternoon saw me complete with tissue box sniffling and reading theology in front of the fire. It was one of those wonderfully low key days with Rascal curled up next to me, my iPod keeping time, and a cup of tea and highlighter in hand.
In the midst of that, deciding I didn't want to be alone on Valentine's evening so I called an old friend. Off to dinner and the movies we went. It is an old, comfortable friendship, with no baggage or emotional ties. It is so easy and as we walked into the movie theatre she slipped her arm through mine without even a second thought. How I wish everything were so simply un-complex.
Tomorrow I'm doing jazz with another friend. The nice things about both of these "dates" is that they are comfortable, with no pressure and an escapist kind of feel. They are emotion free, momentary escapes from reality. I need those right now.
In college we used to live by some dating rules that said you never date the same girl twice in a row and never twice in a week...
While out with Irene I saw my sister-in-law. I wonder what that will do to the rumour mill?
Tonight I ran into my brother at the Horse Brass. He looked good. He came over and shook my hand. It is pouring outside and he was on his motor bike. I don't get that necessarily, but hey it is his life...and if he wants to get wet and risk life and limb in the rain on over 1000 cc's of pure power it is his choice... I just want to sell him an accident policy first... I fear he'll need it...
Dad wants to go to a place called Imphal in India. It is almost a separatist state in India somewhere near Burma. To get in requires a special visa because of the unrest. Mum and Dad paid for a little orphan girl to have a surgery that allowed her to walk and live a normal life, and she lives there. Dad would like to see her now that she is grown up. Dad was also stationed there during WWII and has always wanted to go back. I am going to see what I can do...
Pensacola Christian College got my transcripts to Western Seminary today. I ordered them the same day I ordered transcripts from Portland Community College. Those transcripts have not yet arrived, and I paid for them. Hmm... for all of the jokes I tell about Pensacola and all the disagreements I may have theologically, at least they are on the ball... I might still be accepted into the program full time.
I've created an independent study in theology with my professor -- who simply rocks -- to complete this summer. We will be looking at epistemological beginnings of theology together. I will have a ton of reading to do and a long paper to write, but this stuff really gets my juices flowing and I am going to simply dig it. The farther I get into these studies, the more complicated and fun it is becoming. I can hardly wait to really dig in all the way. I might even be a little smarter on the other side.
So far I've lost over 36 lbs and 5"-6". That is in 3 and 1/2 months. I fit into a pair of pants I haven't worn in years yesterday. Now I have two problems: most of my pants don't fit and those that do are out of style.
Rascal had to go to the vet this week. $110 and a huge mess on our stairs later she seems to be fine. We still need to figure out what happens with the dogs while we are away...
Dad is going to a proctologist so we can sort things out before our trip. We have also changed to a geriatrician who practices naturopathic medicine as well as geriatrics. Hopefully the change will help us continue to sort through Dad's health issues.
Maggie continues to surprise me by how well she is doing in school. She is focused and on her way toward catching up. Socially she is calmer and making better decisions. I am so glad she is my daughter. She is the best...
I like the sauna at my gym. It is a social place where if I listen I can learn. I sweat all the bad juices out of me there and work the kinks out of my old tired muscles.
I have rediscovered both Rich Mullins & his Ragamuffins. I still listen to more Third Day and U2 than anyone, and am enjoying a new band called Leeland. I also have reconnected with the Kry. There are so few songs by them I don't like. I turn up nearly everything I hear from them. I've also been digging Dishwalla, a band I discovered while on CAT duty with Progressive Insurance a few years ago but have only recently been listening to.
Saturday it is supposed to be sunny and 60- 65 degrees out so I think I'll take the kids to the beach and chase them up a sand dune to see how far my workouts are getting me toward my goal of being able to chase them around without a cardiac arrest.